Garnett21k

Certain life stages are more important than others. The theme for today was supposed to be my 30th Birthday and I really wasn't looking that much forward into it. We have to treat these things as blessings in that you only turn 30 once, you only live once. I walked in this morning and saw decorations. I was touched that they remembered, although it was really hard for them not to being that I talked about it a good bit last week on how I wasn't too thrilled to turn 30. That quickly changed as I look at the Black Forest Cake with a note that said, "Happy Birthday, Edwin. Chris is in ICU on life support." That hit me hard in that I was wondering what in the world happened. 5 mins later I get a phone call from my friend Magalene and she said her son was dead. Seemed like she said it like 5 times. All I could say was that I was sorry and I kept asking what had happened. She said they thought it was the flu. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and I didn't know what else to say. I can't believe that this young man around my age was gone just like that. Life is indeed as precious as they come and it definitely put things into perspective. I was weary of turning 30, when someone else was passing away. That really hit like a freight train. We should be thankful of every single breath and moment. And not only that, but the quote rings through, where it's not the number of breaths we take, but it's how many moments that takes our breath away. Death is never easy. I remember when my Grandfather passed away some...is it 8 years or so ago. I don't even know exactly how long ago, but it doesn't feel all that long ago. I'm weird with deaths. I initially don't cry and I feel guilty for being wired that way. I guess I do it on my own time and I let it go that way. It's not that I don't feel the loss, it's just the way I am.

I feel guilty about the thought that from now on I'll think of him on my Birthday and how I'm so selfish for thinking that.

It was so weird cause I had a somewhat odd moment. Yesterday, I had this aftertaste in my mouth that wouldn't go away. I tried brushing and rinsing with mouthwash and even toothpaste with baking sode. It stayed with me till this morning. I just blamed it on bad chewing gum, but now I'm not so sure. I've always thought I had somewhat of a psychic in me. Not the crazy I'll tell you the future thing, but to some degree some kind of heightened connection maybe. After I got the phone call I went to get coffee and it went away. Ok, so it could be the coffee, but then again who knows. Just weird coincidence? I'm not convinced it was. I just can't even imagine how she's doing right now. He was her baby. She asked me to just tell everyone to pray for her. Hope you could do the same.